Smugness. Discuss. (Also, a Slightly Grumpy Post).
Tuesday 22nd December 2015
We all know how I can be proper grouchy, don’t we? Even at Christmas? Well, it is (more) rare but someone has made me a bit grumpy. Get a coffee.
‘Is it just me, or does anyone find this trend of donating to charity instead of sending Xmas cards just a bit smug? And to be honest just a good way of avoiding that ‘writing cards and sending’ hassle?’
The above quote has been lifted from a social media site where I go to look at cute pictures of Dachshunds. Or to ask Dachshund related questions. Or to help with advice for someone else if I can. I was therefore quite surprised to read this from a woman who I do not know, and I read it all the way to the end in the expectation that it would be Dachshund related. It isn’t.
What it is, however, is border-line nasty, judgy – and projects quite a lot, I suspect.
You may know, or have guessed by now perhaps, that I am one of the ‘smug’ people who, she judges, give money to charity instead of sending cards at Christmas, for reasons that are concerned with being lazy – too lazy to buy, write and post Christmas cards, she suggests; and/or, to make themselves feel better – the smug reference I assume; and/or want others to know how amazing they are. The quote goes on to assert that most people can afford to do both – give to charity and buy and send cards, and that it is better to send a card as many people are lonely, but I edited it out for you. You’re welcome.
It irritated me. Partly because I fail to see how The Thoughts of Madam Miffed on Christmas cards have anything whatsoever to do with Dachshunds. And I don’t know, or want to know her, especially as she has already weighed and measured my worth and found it wanting. But the reason it irritated me was this: I do not care if she/you/anyone wishes to send cards. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest you should, if you want to. I love getting cards, but of course, as I never send any now and haven’t for four years, we get far fewer. I don’t open any cards we do get and think: how smug of this person to write and send cards. Or: how mean of them not to donate to charity instead. I just think: thanks! How lovely! (I especially like sparkly cards and robins). And I save them all and cut them up to make gift tags for the next year, at which time I read them all again.
However, the post did make me examine my real motives. If I am honest, I didn’t really love writing cards, but for many years I did it because at first, it made me feel all grown-up. Then it made me feel even more Christmassy (though as you may know, I start feeling Christmassy in September and then it builds into a crescendo of festive ferment for
four whole months. Yep. Poor Mark indeed). But for the last ten years or so it has got my nerves a bit. I think this probably coincided with more use of email, social media and texts.
Some years ago, my father developed dementia. Initially the progress of the disease was slow and sometimes I thought I was imagining it, because he had always been quite absent-minded, always thinking about something clever and probably mathy, that kind of thing. But it is hard not to face the reality when you see your dad trying to make a ‘phone call with the TV remote control. Stuff was going wrong. Then in the last two or three years of his life, it was clearly a major and a rapidly escalating problem – and he just slipped further and further away from us. Dementia does not come alone and take just the mind. It wreaks havoc on the body too. It is the real deal.
So a few years ago I started giving to
The Alzheimer’s Society. Instead of spending my Christmas card money on cards and stamps, I give it to them. One day soon, when stamps are made of gold and cost £100 each, they will be making a pretty penny from me. (NB: I may have to adjust my giving model). Why do this at Christmas and not at a random time of year? I think people (such as me) do this because it is at Christmas that you miss the people you loved so much, and have lost, the very most. It is reaching out. Like you used to. When they were still alive and part of your routine, earthly life, not just your remembered and bitterly missed past life.
I do something else too. With the
time I save, I write to dad. This year I am writing a poem. It’s pretty poor, and I rather wish I hadn’t begun it or at least that I’d taken the non-rhyming option…anyway I’m pressing on.
Diseases like Alzheimer’s are absolute rubbish and I feel so impotent. But when I give my festive spends, I do at least think I am sticking up an exquisitely manicured middle finger to dementia. It helps me feel a bit better, that much is true, or a bit less hopeless about it at least. It’d be bloody amazing if no-one else had to suffer as my dad did and I know that day is a long way away, but who knows? I believe it will come. One thing doing this does
not make me feel is smug.
My dad always told me I had a way with words and so to prove him right, I now say: you can stuff your nippy little Face Book post right up your tail-spout, lady, followed by a mince-pie and a nice prickly sprig of holly. Season’s greetings!
i support you Ali! Dementia is awful I lost my Gran years before she died. Giving money to charity sounds a great idea! Have a great 2016!
Well Ms grumpyguts 🙂 made my day reading of your grumps so I hope I haven’t touched yours with Mzzz and emoticons
You are a superb writer and knitter – in admiration, Sharon