Leaf of the day: pine needle (technically, is that a leaf? discuss)
Thursday 15th December 2011
The annual pilgrimage to the garden centre to get the tree has taken place and the tree is up. I think it is our best tree for ages. I can only hope that the poor boy who was our tree-host on the evening we chose it, agrees. We got off to a bad start because the tree selection area had been moved. Usually it is outside but covered over a bit so it feels almost like you are outside properly, with the dark outdoor plant area behind you and the lights of the garden centre itself in front. And then the trees are stacked in areas determined by size and type and cost. This year, they have been moved; they were practically in the entrance. Lily has never liked change, nor do I. But really, I wasn’t prepared for her reaction when she saw the new tree-sales location, she was
outraged! Might need to work on that with her in 2012 when she changes schools…
One of your party (or a designated tree-person) wrestles the tree that you fancy out of the stack and holds it up. This is demeaning to trees, I know, being a sort of tree beauty pageant. But I can’t stop myself. I have very specific tree requirements. A lot of our decorations are heavy, so we need a tree with some sturdy branches; a graceful but floppy tree is of no use to me whatsoever. Our cottage is small, yet we want a big tree due to the outrageous number of decorations we own, so it has to be wide but not too tall. I also quite like a tree with a ‘flat’ side (to go towards the french doors bit of the corner into which we ram it), and an opposing ‘sticky out’ side. I don’t want a lot of naked trunk anywhere and I like the needles to be perky.
However, there is an unwritten rule about how many trees you can have displayed to you by the tree-person before you are bound by the Code of Practice On Christmas Tree Buying to just say: OK that one will do. I feel (the Code is more given to guidance here) that this number is probably 3. I am no longer bound by the Code. Even though I feel awkward, and I do praise
all the trees I am shown, even the clearly inadequate ones, I plough on – though not, yet, very far into double figures – until I find The Right Tree.
Last weekend, our tree-person was simply lovely. After 3 trees had been praised but rejected, I shared some quite specific information about our (my) tree needs and after tree number 5, he was pre-rejecting trees for me! He’d root about into the stack and muttering slightly, but happily I think, under his breath, he’d shove some aside: mmm…maybe…? head turns slightly to me, sees almost imperceptible yet also sad shake of my head – no, not this one…maybe this one…? No, not you… THIS one! He was right! Now that’s a intuitive person, happy in his work. He was also showing off the trees as if they were his celebrity partners on Strictly Come Dancing. Out came the tree, and he’d pivot it into a good space, tap it lightly but firmly into the ground to shake out the branches and then execute a triple twirl sequence worthy of Anton and Erin.
I thought
I’d make an excellent tree sales-lady, but then my family pointed out my aversion to the cold or even a slight chill, and also my tendency to get over-involved – I’d be offering to pop round and help them decorate.
The garden centre, by the way, has morphed into a disturbing Winter Wonderland with disjointed ‘rooms’ dedicated to styles and colours of decorations. There is Narnia: white, silver, with a sinister Ice Queen model figure (who I think was also the witch at Hallo’een but there we are). There is Toy Land, with a train careering through a cardboard and cotton wool tunnel, and some robotic reindeer whose movements are so staccato, they look like they are body popping. And there is Rustic Christmas, where there are really odd animal decorations, including owls (rejected by 1 woman whom I overheard discussing the merits of these versus the badger decorations, with her epically disengaged teenage son. For the record, she felt that badgers are more Chritmassy than owls). If you want a trowel, unless you want one with a Cath Kidston style flowery handle, you’re stuffed, basically.
However good your tree, it will shed, which brings me to the topic of the this post: pine needles. The festive vacuuming of the merry needles has begun. We don’t have carpets in most of our rooms, and the sitting room has a stone floor, frankly a bit of trip-fall hazard, because it’s ancient and uneven and the flags have crevices. I am *quite **assiduous (*very **obsessive) about getting last year’s pine needles out when the old tree gets taken down. And yet, each time I put up the new tree, I always find old needles from last year in a crevice, wedged in a crack, under the radiator, even stuck into the skirting board. It is a great Christmas mystery. I feel if I had a carpet, I’d stand a chance against the needles. In fact I do have carpet down in the dining room (AKA workshop/work room) and also, since it’s not a sitting room, more space. However, my suggestion that we locate the tree in there was clearly outrageous, wrong and at odds with whole universe, and I am sorry I ever mentioned it, OK Lily?
Love reading your posts – you have such a sense of humour!!
I’ve not got our tree yet. The theory (and I emphasis it is only a theory) is that I will go and get a potted Christmas tree, look after it lovingly during Christmas and protect it from kamikaze kitty attacks, then plant it out in the garden. Whereupon next year, I will have a free, slightly bigger tree to bring into the house.
I can see this all becoming an epic fail! 🙂
Ah, Lesley, this is a worthy yet slippery slope you are contemplating here. I too have a ‘living’ tree that is wrestled into the hall, also a small space. I’m on my third now…Best of luck, my green friend, best of luck!
We have an un-real tree for the first time this year. The annual clearing up of cat vomit, constant hoovering and waiting for the council collection in mid-January finally all added up to a fake tree.
I grew up with the ritual of getting the tree down from the loft so was unprepared for quite how much explaining MrMooncalf was going to have to do to explain this unreal tree to his much-more-middle-class parents. They must have taken 20 minutes to come round to the idea. Even with the cat vomit argument!
oh Mooncalf, you made me actually LOL, here in the linen cupboard – cat vomit!! (is this tree-related? I ask because our cat, Medlar, is an epic vomiter but it’s pretty much all year round; I put it down to his fondness for rat. He thinks we share this taste and often tries to tempt me to try it).
I must blog about the real tree/pretend tree topic as it has been a Major Issue here at C-S Towers for the last 2 years. Once again (as with your recent post about hand-made gifts) I 100% AGREE with every word…yet I am powerless in the face of Lily’s gnashing and wailing – you know how she is about change…