Corona Knitting. Sort Of. And a moan about a pattern…
Saturday 2nd May 2020
I am still not knitting, really. A friend of mine though, I suspect to get me going – like roadside assistance only for stalled knitters, asked me to knit a tea cosy for him, and before I had really read the pattern, I said yes. I am not really applying myself to it, I only knit a few hours some evenings. I think though – and I hope – that it will be an entry-level in the re-immersion programme I will need to go on soon.
It is quite the oddest pattern I have ever read. You knit 2 ‘bladders’ – that is the attractive word used in the pattern. These are knitted in the round, and with a fair bit of shaping, so they end up looking like deflated rugby balls – you go up, and then down. It ends with a long, very narrow neck (her word) that then flares out, briefly.
There are so many things wrong with the pattern. First, the design itself is so knowingly, self-servingly, ugly.
Then, a technical point that has infuriated me but would leave Kath incandescent with tech-editor rage: the frequent absence of numbers. There is a start number, and an end number; and in between, there are some random landmark numbers. But mainly, you are adrift in a sea of numberless rounds. At no point is a stitch number given after a round. I know that I am generally increasing or decreasing in multiples of 8. Because I can count. But had the pattern, even once or twice recorded these facts, it would just be helpful.
Third (this will be a long list), the absence of helpful notes. For example, at no point does it tell you that having reduced the bladder at the neck (vile, I know), you will not be able to sew in the ends, as you physically cannot turn the bloody thing inside out. Obvious? Yes, it is NOW. I try really hard to add helpful notes to my patterns and I reckon for everyone who thinks I am stating the bleedin’ obvious, there is another who thinks: Oh! yeah! thanks, Ali! So, I would have said, before it was too late: you need to sew ends in now as you will not be able to afterwards. How hard is that? Not at all, that’s right. Lazy.
Then, the assembly of this bizarre creation. Sew the bladders together, at the bottom; felt it in the washing machine, ‘several times on a good old boil wash’. A Good Old Boil Wash does not exist. A knitting designer has a duty to the knitter to be a lot more exact that that. What is that temperature, and what is the programme duration? Also, what is several? Clearly more than one, and I would suggest probably more than two times, or they might have narrowed it down to ‘once or twice’. Several could be eight. Or five. Or nine. Infuriating, and also irritating as I am now going to have to test ‘boil wash’ at least one swatch, since the designer can’t be bothered to tell us what they actually did.
Finally, the rest of the assembly and the extra things you need to do that, what I call in my patterns: Other. Here, we have a very random list, that includes bonsai wire for which we are spoilt with a rare actual gauge specification, plastic tubing (size and length completely unspecified), feathers, and felt balls. I feel as if we might as well boil the bladders, insert the tubes, and stick the feathers up our jacksies. There are literally no actual written instructions or illustrations to show what the purpose of the tubes, wires, feathers and balls is. It simply suggests inserting the wire into the tube and sticking that down the neck of the bladder, whilst still damp…I think the feathers or balls are to disguise the wire and tubes. But I am just guessing. I think the wire and tubing is to enable you to shape the thing – but I don’t really know.
I am on bladder #2. Then I will knit 2 swatches. Then I will ‘boil’ these, and I will do what the designer ought to have done – I will write down the data. For example, the pre-felting size; the temperature; the duration; and the post felting size. It only says roughly what size of teapot will fit between these 2 felted bladders. And that is given in tea cup capacity! Not an actual size guide. My friend has a lot of tea pots so he is sure he will have at least one that fits, but it really is maddening.
And on that very grumpy note, back to the bladders for me. Knit on!
It’s an English origin, and fairly modern – maybe 5 years old, I think. The knitting part is easy to work out; but the assembly and felting is just a mystery which I don’t think I will fully understand until I get there! 🙂