Conversations With Lily – Up-Date and also ‘Rude’ Post Alert
Monday 16th February 2015
So, Lily has relented and I am once again allowed to record some of our convos. This happened when I told her (and it’s true) that after they stopped, the search term on my website ‘Lilley Growther-Smyth’ (and variations on our incredibly obscure names) was higher than Alyson Crow-Smith (etc). Or Kidsilk Haze!
Also, I had emails. So she has graciously agreed to let me continue. However, the conversation I am about to share has just happened, and I am recording it now so I don’t have time to think better of it. If she sees it, she may rescind the permission.
Background. I have not read the book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, though my brother bought Mark a fairly funny book called ‘Fifty
Sheds of Grey’ for Christmas. I do know that the real book is mainly about sex. And (related) DIY. I don’t live under a rock. Wait. I do often live under a rock. But anyway…my friend, who
has read it, texted me recently to suggest that we go to see the film together. This offer was further sweetened by the suggestion that we have a cocktail afterwards. Yes. Bridgwater has a cocktail bar. It is called Bar Brunel, and I have been there. The most popular cocktail is called ‘Mud Slide’. It appears to be an alcoholic chocolate milk-shake. *urge*
Frankly, I think I’d need a litre of Mud Slide
before I went to see Fifty Shades of Grey. I am not a prude though. No, really. I know I look like a prude, but I honestly don’t give a damn what people do to themselves or one another assuming it’s not deathy or illegal, and that it is consensual. It’s just that I have a very low threshold of tolerance to mortification and embarrassment. I don’t really want to see the film either. My favourite occupation is knitting while watching something about the Tudors on the BBC History Channel or listening to The Archers on Anytime. If you look on iPlayer now, there is a very interesting documentary about William Shakespeare’s mother, and another about Things That Killed People In Tudor Times. Other than the King. Or plague. It was fascinating. One significant cause of death was SUGAR! plus ca change…
Anyway, some of the above includes reasons why I am self-selecting not to go and see FSOG. And I was explaining these to Lily.
Me: …and so these are the reasons why I think I ought not to go and see Fifty Shades of Grey.
Lily: fair point, also you might see someone you know in the pictures in Bridgwater.
Me: yes, and your father showed me a news article* about a cinema chain in the UK (shocked tone, as if it would be less shocking in, say, Iceland or Fiji) which has had its seats covered in vinyl for the showing of this film!
Lily: why?
Me: um, well, I don’t really know exactly why…
Lily: but why do you think?
Me:
Lily: come on mum, what do you think?
Me: (rallying) well, the manager said they thought it would be quicker for the staff to nip in after each show and give the seats a quick wipe down with a damp chamois leather…
Lily: Oh my God!
Me: …yes, rather than, he said, having to shampoo the velour fabric after each show!
Lily: oh my God!! Those poor staff.
Silence as we (I assume, both) contemplate this as a job.
Lily: anyway, if they shampoo-ed the velour each time, it would still be damp for the next showing.
Me: (happily grasping a chance to talk about something we both like, i.e. a cleaning related conversation) yes, it would take at least 12 hours with the heating on for velour to dry out.
Lily: I think, if my cinema manager asked me to fit vinyl seat covers and then wipe them down after the film, I’d be sick.
Me: same. Also, I’d be asking him/her if we shouldn’t instead be asking our customers to refrain from activities which might result in the need for wipe-age.
Lily: (after a thoughtful pause) also, I don’t think a chamois leather is the right cloth for that sort of job. I’d have thought a sponge/spray combo followed by a dry cloth buff. It’ll ruin the chamois-es if they rub the plastic seats with it. Chamois is expensive and hard to get really clean…
Me: hmmm…
Lily: got to say, this is a conversation I never thought I’d have. With anyone. Let alone MY MOTHER.
Me: *proud face*
Lily: is that your proud face?
Is it? Because if it is, I suggest you wipe it off with a chamois leather.
*
here’s the link. It’s obviously a spoof but it was fun telling Lily.
Yay! I love conversations with Lily! xx