Conversations with Lily #6
Thursday 1st May 2014
Me: why don’t you ever post on Face Book anymore? Lily: Face Book is boring. Me: I like it, it’s not boring. Lily: yes, but you like groups about Dachshunds and knitting – it’s lame. Me: none taken. Lily: And FYI mum, the people on your Dachshund Groups aren’t your friends. You’ve never met them, or their dogs. And you never will. Me: *hurt silence* Lily: also, lots of old people use it. Like you. Me: wow. Me: I’m not old. Me: you’re mean. Lily: It’s also very embarrassing that some of my real friends have added you on Face Book. And you accepted! Me: it’s because I am cool. Lily: *eye rolling* yeah, OK whatever…but it’d be fab if you could stop up-dating your status every time you have a cup of tea or make a sandwich. Lily: and what’s with the carpet shampoo stuff? Please stop. Me: no. It’s interesting. Lily: it really isn’t. Nor is the stuff about wine making and going to Nandos. Me: really? Lily: yes. Really. It’s sad. Me: OK… Me: I’ll delete my FB account… Me: and GO AND LIVE UNDER A ROCK! Lily: oh yeah, that reminds me – all the stuff about caving – that needs to stop too. Lengthy pause, in which I contemplate life without Face Book and Lily continues to interrogate her mobile. Me: so, what is the social media of choice for Young People nowadays, then? Lily: I am not going to tell you. Me: why not? Lily: because you will get all over it like a rash and RUIN IT for me. Me: I won’t – and anyway, I can just ask Millington, she is a Young Person and also she will know AND she will tell me, AND she will then set it up for me! Ha! Lily: Sarah is a bad influence. Sarah set you up with a lock on your phone so I can’t frape you anymore. Lily: Snap Chat – ever heard of that? Me: no, what is it? Lily: you send a picture to someone on Snap Chat and it only lasts for, like, a few seconds. Me: (trying, successfully to resist almost overpowering impulse to say: ‘Is it “like” a few seconds, as in similar to a few seconds? Or is it, in fact, a few seconds?’) Lily: then it vanishes. Me: HOW?? That’s magic!* Lily: oh please mum, you’re such a massive loser. Me: I made you griddled chicken for tea with buttery mash. Because I am making curry for me and dad and you don’t like the one with coconut in it. Now I am sorry that I bothered, because I am, apparently, *a loser*. (Flounces out of kitchen, ramming my leg into the door of the dog sleeping crate as I go, thus a) utterly ruining flounce effect; b) making me curse a lot and almost cry; and c) rendering Lily speechless and incapable of normal function, as she is literally convulsed with hysterical laughter).* (I have since looked this thing up. It is called snapchat and it’s a mobile image messaging application. The image – picture, video, whatever – is limited by the sender to appear to the recipient for between 1 – 10 seconds. No, I have no idea why either. Often, I am glad I am old).
She’s right, I am a bad influence. #sorrynotsorry #Nandos #cornbeefhashtag #hashtagfingers
I would like more conversations with Lily please! They are very funny and remind me a lot of my nieces.